Fear

Fear is...

When you are trying to run away n all you can come up against are dead-end alleys,

Fear is...

When your face is fully submerged in a bucket full of water n won't come out despite your best efforts,

Fear is...

When you close your eyes to sleep n get up after a few minutes with sweat all over your face,

Fear is...

When you try to eat something but vomit everything right after,

Fear is...

When you are trapped in a room as big as you are with no windows,

Fear is...

When all your life appears a question mark cause of one moment that went terribly wrong,

Fear is...

When you are tied up in knots n the more you try to free yourself the more you get entangled,

Fear is...

When you see the person you want the most walking away from you and as you try to run after your legs just won't work,

Fear is...

When you are standing on the roof of a multi-storeyed building and your best friend gives you a push
Fear is...

When running is cowardice, thinking is out of the question and tears are natural.....

Thinking...

As I sit in front of my computer, sipping coffee and trying to concentrate on what I'm typing, my mind's drifting away, enveloped by a cloud of thoughts. Tried as hard as I have to control it, I finally came to the conclusion that the mind functions on completely its own terms. You can try to curb its instinct, but in the long run that really affects you even worse than it ought to. The best you can do is find a reason for every single thought that occurs, which results in even more thinking. So, the mind embraces you into a vicious circle by the simple process of generating a thought that's so strange even to your own self, that you need to find a reason for the mere existence of that thought. The implication being that you can never let yourselves live a simple life. It just seems converse to the very nature of human beings that they live a life full of simplicity, without being worried about one thing or the other. Every single droplet you try to maraud from the cloud surrounding you, leads to another one and another one, the end result being that you start drowning in the flood by the time you're done.

To every problem you face, you find a separate myriad of these evil cronies, waiting to be sighted by the bright lights of your mind. Searching for a solution as you are, you find yourselves indebted to doubts and consequences that earlier did not show a sign of their presence. The problem gets even more complex than it seemed initially, and then you have to resort to crisis control, wherein you try to find that one thought that simply seems to suit you the best. This task is not the simplest of them all, and yet when it is somehow accomplished with more strain on your brain, you seem to have found some sort of a solution, or so you hope. Then comes another added characteristic to your hope, stubbornness. Once you make up your mind on the path to follow, no one's better sense could prevail upon you to abandon the path you've chosen, until and unless that person somehow convinces you he's God( in some cases that still might not be enough though). If the path you choose does lead to even a part of the problem being solved, you pride yourself on the choice you made, but when it leads to another problem because of its outcome, or worse still, it makes the original problem more profound, you just end up damaging your own psyche, and criticize your stubornness in hindsight. Ironically, the droplet of hope and direction you were trying to find is what leaves you high and dry in the desert of life, while another new cloud starts meandering overhead.

Thinking it seems is hazardous more often than never, and when you've nothing else to do, you find some existent or non-existent problem in your life, and let this hazard damage it to an extent that you're living with both the problem and the scar this procedure leaves on your mind. To still think of it, Thinking was supposed to be a gift that separated the human race from all other species. And here I am, sitting and thinking about 'Thinking' . Strange, but true. As someone rightly said 'An idle mind is the Devil's Workshop'.

The Moment...

It was to be my life's best moment,

The most beautiful picture was to be painted

Every pain was to lose its torment,

Even Hell for that instant was not to seem tainted.

It was to be the beginning of a bright new day,

The gory nights left far behind

Enchantment was to be received through every ray,

The Sun was to have never appeared so kind.

It was to be the relief of a sweet lingering pain,

After a long and gruesome bout

The world was to cease seeming insane,

I was to be on my feet after a staggering clout.

I was to be completely lost,

Lost in the beauty of that blissful elation

The people around were to pay the cost,

They were to be forgotten in that momentary translation.

I was to be a part of that moment's beauty,

Was to be the one among the very few

God was to endow me with that duty,

I had to be the one to share the moment with you.

I was to be the one who would have paved the way,

For blossoming this beauty into a never ending mile

Yet it was I who was to turn and walk away,

It was I who lost everything in the moment that I saw you smile.

One-sided Love Affair...

The day starts with the same lazy drift

As another sleepless night passes by,

The cloud just does not want to lift

Inspite of the drought it makes me cry.

I spend the whole day thinking about her

Fantasizing a world that's decorated by her beauty,

She spends her's such that I'm not hers to incur

As though I'm out of bounds in her life's duty.

I search for any moment we can use to talk

She's got hardly any time to waste on me,

Even at that moment its just silence that i get to stalk

Her world is centered on my letting her be.

I care for her from the bottom of my heart

Her smile lights up the entire universe,

The pity is in the insignificance of my part

For her its nothing so for me its a curse.

Sometimes I feel she wants to say something

She wants me like I want her to be mine,

Yet I know its just a sweet little nothing

It's my own desire thats hallucinating this incline.

She tells me a good person I am

I try to keep her happy and for her I care,

To her its just another obligation of sham

But to me it's just a sad one-sided love affair.