Saturday, December 13, 2008

The True Love...

That day she was waiting at the same place she had met him a few months ago.

She still vividly remembered the day she’d actually met him the first time, inspite of being aware of his presence, as she was sure he was of hers, for the better part of more than two years. Waiting there, sitting on those steps, as was a routine habit for her now for some time, the thoughts of these past few months slowly drifted into Aloya’s mind.

The first time they met, she’d been very hesitant. It was not her fault that time too, the past one year had been a torrid one for Aloya. It had taught her that trust was a mere formality that existed with the time bound stipulation of being broken ruthlessly. It had shown her things she had hoped were only meant for nightmares, which should have just been a part of wicked folklore. She had let herself drown in the ocean of love, giving it her all mentally and emotionally. It had all gone well for a few months, and then the effect of the love drug began to wear off. She desperately tried to hold on to the tattering mast as the sail of her love went into rough waters, but her fantasy world just fell apart one day when her love, her supposed true love, just dumped her feelings for a more pretty face. The ordeal left her mentally scarred and emotionally tarnished to the extent that she’d often start crying when loneliness struck her, and what remained in her head was the big question mark about what love actually was. Aloya had forgotten to smile, she’d forgotten to enjoy, and she’s forgotten to speak. It was as though the whole world had left her alone in the middle of nowhere, and there were just empty spaces all around. Love had taught her to be remorseful, to dislike everything, to mistrust everyone. She wondered if this was the love about which legends were made. Life felt like a sugar-coated poison to her. That day she was brooding over her past and was lost in her thoughts, when a sudden prod made her come back into the present, and she turned around to see Suleiman. She didn’t know how long he’d been there watching her cry, nor did she know how to react as he started the conversation. She could just start with a jittery hello, but as though Suleiman knew exactly what she was feeling, he tried to lighten up her mood by joking around. Though hesitant, she sat there and just listened to him that day, speaking rarely herself. In the next few days she surprised her own self by going to those steps at the same time everyday, and though still lost in her own thoughts, she would wait for Suleiman to come and take off her load by talking to her. It was in these few days that Aloya started talking again. She would talk about anything and everything, but still would not say a thing about herself, and Suleiman would not force her to either. As the meetings started growing into a routine habit, Aloya gradually revealed her story, the care and warmth in Suleiman’s eyes acting as the perfect fuel. He listened to everything she had to say very patiently, and made her realize things she was missing out. He made her realize how truthful and sincere she’d been in her relationship, how it was none of her fault that it did not work out. He would find a reason to make her smile all the time, which had been a dormant expression on her face for some time now.

Slowly and surely, life was coming back to Aloya. It was like the oxygen mask being put onto a patient’s face who’s struggling to breathe. Suleiman’s caring and understanding nature had overcome her wariness. It was a friendship she was starting to cherish. She started re-discovering who she actually was through their friendship, and of all hopes she’d ever had, the strongest one was that this friendship would go the distance. It took her a couple of months or maybe even more to come out of her slumber of moroseness to an extent that it hardly bothered her any more, because she’d got a much more beautiful friendship to look forward to.

Life was going on wonderfully for a change, when Aloya saw the glint of sadness in Suleiman’s eyes for the first time. It made her feel guilty, because surprisingly even to herself, she realized that she knew nothing about Suleiman, his past, or, his present, and had yet managed to bare her soul. When she asked about his life, Suleiman would recall all the happy moments in his life but would not give her a reason to believe that he was sad. Aloya thought that maybe he needed some time on his own, and did not pursue the matter for some time to come. In the coming time, the glint did not go, and yet the reasons would not come. This made Aloya more and more restless to uncover the truth behind his sadness. As she continued to ask him about his troubles more and more often, Suleiman started becoming impatient and gradually came to the point of ignoring her altogether.

 Aloya was starting to learn a new lesson in the difficult course called Life. She realized that it was not just necessary to get care to feel happy, it was also equally important to care for that person. She realized that no matter how hard she tried, Suleiman was not going to give her an opportunity to do this. It was as though he had deliberately bound himself within an invisible cloak. He was capable of making her smile from within the cloak, he could bind her with himself within the cloak when he needed to protect her, but when any concern about his own problems propped up, he would just tighten the cloak around himself and would not allow any room for anyone else. As time went on, Aloya would wait for Suleiman on these steps, where he taught her how to smile again, where he cared for her, and where he bound himself into the cloak so tightly that it seemed he’d prefer suffocating himself than letting out his problems. He started meeting her lesser and lesser, as though he were afraid that he would lose his cloak to those tender probing eyes of Aloya.

The turn of events bothered Aloya. It seemed to her that life had come a full circle. She had gone from being helpless, to being happy and joyful, to being helpless all over again.

She wanted to finish Suleiman’s fears like he had finished hers, she wanted to care for him like she had for nobody else, she wanted to show him how beautiful the world was within their friendship. She could just dream of doing these things because she realized that he did not desire any of it, and even if he did, he just could not get the strength to tell her his own troubles and ask for it. Aloya was returning to her days of sadness because she knew she had befriended a person who could give her all the care and happiness in the world, but would still leave her sad because he wouldn’t let her care for him. The glisten of sadness in Suleiman’s eye could well turn into the glimmer of a tear, and yet Aloya would not be able to help him out.

It depressed Aloya to be aware of the fact that she made him bind himself within the cloak by asking him about his troubles as though he thought of her as interfering in his life. Maybe, it was because he didn’t want to burden her and make her sad with his own troubles, but then isn’t friendship all about sharing yourself, happy or sad??

As she was waiting on those steps that fateful day, all these thoughts flooded Aloya’s mind. She hated herself from that moment onwards. She hated herself for turning a caring person into a cloaked statue, for trying to interfere in Suleiman’s life. She hated herself because she could not bring happiness into the life of the person who taught her to smile again, for making him even more miserable by asking him about his troubles again and again. If he was more happy being within the cloak all by himself, she had no right of compelling him to come out of it and hence, make him sadder.

She had no right of getting involved at all in his life, and was guilty of doing so.

She had no right of making him sad and depressed, in return for the care and happiness Suleiman had given to her. She had no right of desiring him so badly. She had no right of…loving him. Aloya realized she’d finally found out what love actually was. It was on those very steps itself, where Aloya had got a new lease of life once, that she now got the death of her most beautiful friendship to endure. Yet, she was sure the love would live on. It was ironical that as she got up to leave, the first drop of rain and her first tear hit her palm at the same instant.

Aloya never returned to those steps ever again.

 

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The beautiful world...

The Moon was shining beautifully, the stars gleaming with all their might, but still there was something amiss, the silence all around was of a different kind.
It's strange how you see the world as you want it to be, or rather as your heart is feeling at that particular moment. As the wind gently struck my face, I got the feeling that it was heavy and damp, but yet so subtle. It was as though it had to maintain it's composure just so that the beauty of the moon and the stars wouldn't be compromised. The pain was all hidden and made the air heavy. It was laden with rain, yet it could not shower it's tears. It was as though nature was living my tale, enduring my fate and was destined to this obscurity.
 My life's been full of ups and downs, but so has been everybody else's I guess. Everyone has their share of joy and their share of pain, yet the other person's pain cake will always seem smaller as compared to your own. It's stupid to show your tears and spoil somebody else's sheen, by making that person known to the world worse than he or she ought to be. It's better to believe that there has to be some kind of misconception on your part, or maybe the other person just had to do what he or she did cause of being in a helpless situation,  than thinking that the person did wrong to you or is doing wrong to you just because of selfish reasons, maybe because you're not good enough. Somewhere though, a thought still haunts me. It asks me what I did wrong to get what I did, and what I'm doing wrong to deserve what I'm getting. It asks me that why don't I deserve a fresh start in life, why every other person is oblivious to the fact that I can start anew. It asks me about what I've got in life by being the good person that I'm dubbed to be, that if good people are few and I'm one of them, why do I end up as just another person for everyone else. The thought is a dangerous one, it impregnates the mind with fear, yet I cease to cry, because I'd hate to see my world lose it's sheen through my tears.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The Book

The book doesn't reveal until you start turning da pages,
My Story lies unread from da first word to da very last...
The words are the same as said by priests n by sages,
But still for you their usage goes on turning aghast...
The Book is there in yur hands,
It lays waiting to be read...
But you want to mute it by rubberbands,
And feel the urge to throw it instead...
You just don't want to waste yur time,
On a story depressingly associated wid me...
But maybe there's something in there to rhyme,
Maybe wid happiness or wid glee...
It wouldn't interest you i'm sure,
Cause you're happy wid what you know...
But maybe I ain't so impure,
Maybe it'd be better fer us if you gave it one go...
You're so sure of the image you've made,
You wouldn't care bout da depiction in da book...
But maybe this ain't a game i've played,
Maybe this actually took my whole life to cook...
You're just so right in whateva you think,
There'd be all lies in my story...
But maybe i've not made up dis link,
Maybe this is not just my shot to glory...
You're just so unfazed by whateva i've said,
Hardly bothered bout my story n me...
But maybe this story is worth being read,
Maybe i'm not just another one in the melee.......

Friday, September 26, 2008

Why I Write...

I don't write cause i have to, i don't write cause i should, i don't write cause i need to, i just write cause i feel like it... I'm not a writer by profession, i'm not a writer by decision, i'm not a writer by compulsion, i'm not a writer by any means, but i just write what my thoughts ask me to.. Half of u don't want to read it, many of u don't like to read it, some of u don't even think bout readin it, yet i send it to u cause i wanna share my thoughts with u n i'm sorry if i force u into readin somethin u don't wanna read...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Abstract....

It started like a dream. It had to. Everything in this world starts the same way. It is like living in a city, having no roads, covered entirely in water. To commute from one place to another, you have to jump into the water, and only after you are in the water, can you make out how deep it is. The dream could pretty well turn out to be a nightmare, but to know whether it is one or not, you have to continue living the dream. Yet, this time something was different. There was a change somewhere, somehow, and although it could not be seen, I could feel it everywhere around me. The change could be good, or it could be bad, yet what it gave at this moment was hope. Hope is a peculiar thing. Hopes can die, they can cease to exist as suddenly as they appear, but still whilst they live, they fill you with a sense of optimism and security that is hard to find elsewhere.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Another Day...

Another typical day in my journey..
Another one minus the bliss,
Am still holding on to the edge..
Hanging on the precipice,
No one around to care..
None missing me each moment,
Yet I miss them so much..
It's as though I can feel the scent,
No one to think I matter..
None for whom I'd be special,
Yet for me every thought is fresh..
Living every past moment is essential,
No one to believe I can do it..
None for whom only I'd be,
Yet for my feelings..
They could only be,
No one for whom I'm the only one..
None for whom I define love,
Yet my heart beats on..
It tries to defy every shove,
No one to finish the pain..
None to wipe off the tears,
Yet my eyes don't give up..
They are determined to flood the fears....

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Why???

Why doesn't anything last forever
Why does it have to end,
We only get memories to savor
When every moment takes a bend..
Why can't we always smile
Why do we have to be sad,
We only get a fake happy profile
When every moment ceases to be rad..
Why don't people always care
Why is it always a momentary act,
We only just get a moment to spare
When we are forced into the friendship pact..
Why don't we get the love we want
Why do we have to live in pain,
We only get our fakeness to flaunt
When it is what is left to make us feel sane..
Why don't we a get a harmonious long life
Why do we always have to be tied to this buckle,
We only get to relive the strife
When life comes back a full circle....

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Friends

There are so many people around
Some we call foes and others friends,
Yet there's always a similar kind of sound
Not a voice distinct and no different blends..
Everyone defines a new relation
The promises made are varied and different,
Yet they fall into the same classification
The implementation of all promises is so coherent..
The insides of our souls we bare
Thinking we know them too well,
But it is all a spout of momentary care
The problems are not theirs' to dwell..
We want to know them inside out
Just like they know us at the end of the day,
But they just don't want to leave a doubt
So they take your soul and walk away..
These are the people we call our friends
Foes these days are just not required,
Cause when we end up tying all the loose ends
We find friends are such that are certainly not desired...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Feeling That Is...

The feeling comes back to haunt you
no matter how far away you try to run,
It goes down and rises again
never failing once just like the Sun..
You try to shut it out
try to become immune to it,
And yet it infects you again
making you sick to the pit..
You try to ward it off
try to make time a scapegoat,
And yet it knocks you off your feet again
making you realize you're sailing in that same boat..
You try to pass it by
try to follow yur own way,
And yet it blows you off
making you it's companion n again back into it you sway..
You try to let it go
try to shake it off your soul,
And yet it clings onto you
making you act as it wants just like a ghastly ghoul..
You try to close your eyes
try to figure out how to escape the feeling that you seek,
And yet it strengthens in your heart
making you realize what it is and moistening yur cheek....

Friday, August 15, 2008

Expectations

Expectations are like the worst diseases...
You suffer from an even more painful relapse every time you think you've recovered completely...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Friendship

It remains a question mark,
The cloud just ceases to lift...
The surroundings continue to be dark,
The dilemma of friendship does not drift...
You can talk to someone,
Feel better at times...
You only realize when you're done,
The talks were just as worthy as mimes...
You can be made to feel wanted,
Even get a little bit of care...
Yet you end up being haunted,
Cause even that is in return of a fare...
You can recount all your happiest moments,
Relate them all to it...
But when you recall all the sad deterrents,
Friendship again seems to have done it's bit...
You can call it a revelation,
It may make you happy and complete...
Then it also fills you with expectation,
Friendship as a definition continues to be obsolete....

Friday, August 8, 2008

Deserted..

I'm standing in the middle of this desert, searching for any sign of life, all hope that I ever had, being thwarted by the dusty wind very very slowly, an inch at a time. It's as though nature is playing a game, enjoying to see me being helpless so much that she's vowed to make me more and more helpless with every passing second. I search all around, looking for a sip of water to quench my ever growing thirst, that slowly rises to a new level, and finally gives way to fear.
I want to drink water and give a new lease to my thirsty throat, I want to breathe fresh air that isn't impregnated with sand, I want to talk to someone and find a companion for my journey, yet I'm doomed it seems to the loneliness of this desert, the thirst of my desire not meant to be quenched, no oasis to be found anywhere on the horizon, and I'm overcome by fear.
The fear of dying here, in the middle of this huge desert, inconspicuous to the entire world, ready to be lost within the arms of the desert, just another ordinary lonely grain of sand with the thought of a mirage of expectations, that ceases to exist.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Loneliness

Loneliness is the stigma that catches you with a million maladies to pour out, but bereft the audience of a single listener....

Monday, June 23, 2008

The Realization

We tend to lose our sleep cause of a petty fight with a friend,
What about those who keep awake all night cause injury doesn't let them sleep..
When we break up with our girlfriend it seems life is comin to an end,
What about those who have rods and tubes sticking out of every part of their body and a hundred machines beep..
Tears pour out of our eyes when with our near ones we don't blend,
What about those whose pain is so immense that they have no option but to weep..
We can be mindless of others or care for those whom we intend,
What about those moments when our eyes moisten for people we don't know and yet the feeling of pain runs so deep...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Friendship

Every other friendship that exists in this world is just another cliche.. It exists so that the formality does not cease to exist...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Ending

All things come to an end sooner or later.. It's just dat da things dat make u smile end faster n all others seem prolonged...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Dreams

Dreams are a peculiar thing...
Often we want those to come true which we see with our eyes open, and are afraid of those that come when our eyes are shut....

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Pity is...

Pity is...
When you share your joys and sorrows with someone but get only a hollow response,
Pity is...
When you care for someone so much that you could give your life but only get misconceptions in return,
Pity is...
When everything you ever said is made to stand up against you as if it were the biggest lies of your life,
Pity is...
When every feeling you ever had is a betrayal to your own soul,
Pity is...
When you love someone so much and that person just fails to understand what love is all about,
Pity is...
When in a moment your fantasy comes crashing down and despite all your protection you are unable to save it,
Pity is...
When your life is a desert and every oasis is just another mirage.....

Story

Every story is synonymous to a coin.. Only one side makes a difference n da other side remains inconspicuous...

Truth

The only problem with speaking the truth is that it seldom is as powerful and influential as a lie for a majority of the people....

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Goodness

All good things in dis world are temporary...it is better to savor them while they exist, than to rue them when they're just memories..

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Smile

A smile can either be a reflection of true happiness or it can be da veil for da tears we behold...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Me

I'm a person n i'm known by my deeds,
but in death it's of misdeeds that my life bleeds...
I'm a writer n i'm using my pen with vigour n rage,
but even when the ink finishes all i've managed is a fresh page...
I'm a bird n i'm flapping my wings at a speed that's too fast to gauge,
but when i tire off i realize i'm bound in a cage...
I'm a painting n i'm full of every colourful hue,
but when the artist finishes he just wants to paint me anew...
I'm a dream n i'm living to give you hope,
but when you wake up you want to tie me to a rope...
I'm not a person n i'm not one at all,
but i'm just a shadow..a silhouette by the wall......

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Outlook

The world would be a much better place if we stop trying to change everyone else's thinking and try to think about making our own outlook better....

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Emotions

Emotions are the most innocent components of da human machine but they are tampered wid time n again as though they were just toys...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Destiny

Destiny is a priceless human-made scapegoat for all those times in life when we end up on the losing side and have no one to blame but ourselves...

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Relation

A relation exists only till u can make someone happy, once dat stops happenin u can take it as a cue to start walkin away...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Smile

A smile is your greatest encouragement that can make others stronger, or it can be your greatest deception that can end up making both you and the others weaker...

Monday, April 14, 2008

Dreams

Dreams are all bout conquerin Yur fears.. If u are able to do dat, they turn into fantasies.. Otherwise, they become nightmares .....

Friday, April 11, 2008

Smile

A smile is da most precious n priceless gift u can give to anyone but it just seems too expensive to procure most of da time...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Life

The pleasure in life is not in following paths of great people and becoming their followers, but in making your own path and be rated as their contemporaries....

Friday, April 4, 2008

Loneliness

Loneliness is just like the darkness...
It engulfs you the moment you step away from the light of happiness or shut your eyes to it....

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Everyday

Everyday we think of making tomorrow a better day, everyday we think of making tomorrow a happier day, but everyday we end up forgetting bout what we thought of yesterday....

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Explanation

Explanation is what the world demands for every single thought you ever had, and it ends up making you feel like a criminal for having a brain to think...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Destiny

Every time u feel dat you've run a long way from something you couldn't bear, you turn around to find yurself face to face wid dat same thing.. Dat's destiny..

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Today

We learn from yesterday and we dream for tomorrow, yet we live for today, cause without it there'd be no yesterday and no tomorrow...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Conversation

The number of words spoken count to nothing, but it is what the words actually mean that counts to gauge the conversation made...

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Love

Love is just like an iced lolly...
Some are lucky enough to get one after the other while others are stupid enough to think one'll last forever n hence end up craving for another once that gets over....

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Value

Value is that dimension of something which you tend to realize exists only and only after you lose that thing....

Monday, February 4, 2008

Destiny...

We climb and stumble over the mountains of sadness to find the road of happiness and joy, only to discover that the road is too short and leads to another vast landscape that is filled with the quicksand of sadness, and now, we are too exasperated to fight it out all over again. So, the search which began with a determined mindset is lost in between, with all hopes being shattered, but yet it gives us a new beginning, a new thought, a new belief- the enigma known as Destiny. We never tend to believe in this dimension of life, until and unless we are forced to do so by our own life itself. It's amazing how you crave for something so much when it's gone, after touching your life in a way which you tend to realize only after it's gone. I want the care, the love, the belonging I once got so used to. I want everything back. I want to find a long highway of joy, but I'm stuck in this quicksand, which is nothing other than my own tears!!!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Love Tragedy

I lay down again to sleep
with a tear in my eye,
Another day of trying passes
the heart still refuses to bid goodbye.
The moments are so alive
we are happy n cheerful together,
No worries bout the world
we are so into each other.
And then the whole scene changes
as though one glimpse of an illusion it was,
She's happy without me
n my love's fighting for a lost cause.
I see her going out with someone else
I fake a smile n hide my emotions,
Although my soul is betraying me
it seems it has it's own devotions.
I acn't see her with another guy
my heart with immense pain is seering,
The love doesn't die out
neither shows any sign of disappearing.
I want this to end
I want to be free,
But it seems I'm bound to to this pain
as though my destiny has written this decree.
I'm screaming my voice hoarse for help
there's no one to free me from this unrest,
I'm all alone staring at my disdainful fate
That's when I get up n the tears are flowing out like a tempest....